The Touch of the Cool Kid
by ClassyRainbowAristocrat
Summary: Sollux Captor, age 17 and in his Junior year of high school finds himself falling head over heels for a certain cool kid in detention. Humanstuck rated M for shitty smut in fourth chapter. (Chapter four being rewritten for a longer more atisfying fanfiction)
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Sorry if there are a few typos, I typed this all up on my phone. Please review, I love feedback!

Rated M for possible smut in later chapters, depends on if a buncha people actually like this  
This is a humanstuck AU  
Enjoy your Applebees  
~~~~~~~~~

I was not expecting this. I was not expecting any of this shit. I'm straight. I am straighter than fucking uncooked pasta noodles. Shit, they aren't sturdy when things start to get hot, the heat cooks them until they're all floppy and not straight. This is not helping. I had no idea how the fuck or why the fuck I was so interested in Dave fucking Strider. Or why he was interested in me. I was not expecting this at all.  
Let me rewind a bit for all you shitheads, because I'm a nice guy telling you the fucked up story of my life. Since elementary school, blah blah fucking blah, pretty much a sob story of how I was always being alienated and avoided because of my differently colored eyes. Yeah, okay, so I look like a total freak, I'll admit. One blue eye and one brown is bound to give you a free coupon for a daily ass whooping for years- courtesy of shitfaced bullies. Nobody ever stood up for me, not even Karkat, my childhood friend, he would yell at them to stop their shit, but when push came to shove, the little shit never really pulled through. Then Aradia came along. I was running from bullies again, and without really looking if the loft was empty, I climbed up frantically, hoping to god Eridan Ampora didn't find me. When I peered over the loft, I saw Ampora leave, stomping angrily with the Serket girl and Zahaak bobbing behind him. With a sigh of relief, I laid back and relaxed, I could miss my class, I was passing that class with a 100, though I hardly ever showed to it. I could have just chilled up there, like usual, I was calm until a soft voice startled the shit out of me. "Are you hiding, too?" She asked, I turned to look at her, a lovely girl, everytime I look back at all these memories, she was always the brightest thing in my black hole of a life. Man, I am such a fucking cheeseball.  
I nodded, trying not to look her in the eye so I didn't scare her. She had auburn hair, the longest, wavyiest locks I've ever seen. She had peppered freckles on her cheeks and the most heartwarming smile. "Y-yeth." I said timidly, blushing a bit at my dumbass lisp. "Me too!" She said dreamily before setting her book down -something about The Black Plague, I think- and holding out her hand. "I'm Aradia Megido, pleased to meet you!"  
"Umm. Sollux. Sollux Captor."  
"Did you know you can live one minute after someone cuts your head off?" She asked, quite excited to share the information. I was a little shocked, but too happy that someone other than a short-tempered loudmouth was talking to me to feel uncomfortable by her fact.  
Oh how we talked, it wasn't long after that she showed me a few friends, also bully victims. Terezi Pyrope, she loved mysteries, but could only read the books provided in brail due to her blindness. Feferi Peixes, a sweet girl with a big dream- to swim with the fish. Grade five and she already knew she was destined to be a Marine Biologist, of course she wanted to get along with everyone, and what better way to make friends than fish puns? There's a lot of "better ways", actually, but she didn't know. Every weekend, we would go to the park with "secret plans" to fight the tyranny of the "Terrible Trio" as we had dubbed Eridan Ampora, Vriska Serket, and Equius Zahaak. Terezi cried for justice for their crimes, Feferi cried for peace. I predicted a "war" between us while Aradia anticipated the bloodshed of playful, imaginative fifth graders.  
Of course, by seventh grade, things changed, yet also stayed the same. My dad was still caring for my brother, Mituna, Ampora and company grew older, and uglier -inside and out- not to mention more dickish to the tenth power? I asked Aradia out after two years of a strong crush on her. Terezi broke off from the group for a short time, joined Serket for a bit, but she left soon after when she found out the same kids she was taking lunch from were really just innocent kids Vriska had targeted for their tantalizing pudding cups. She manages to navigate through the school since Vant-ass got assigned to assist her. Those two were and still are inseperable. Before I knew it, I was halfway through high school, and I hadn't changed a bit.  
Junior year and I was still a freak, still a trouble maker (oh man you should have seen it, I once hacked the school's mainframe and changed all the computer's backrounds to a fat guy in drag. I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling cameras. Seven days of I.S.S.), and I was still a sarcastic sack of shit. Aradia and I broke up, but we both wished each other well, we still remained strong friends, but sometimes I feel a pang in my chest when she flashes me a smile or laughs at a shitty morbid ass joke I make.  
This is where the real story begins. Fuck all that other shit I just told you, because the real story starts now. Remember when I mentioned I.S.S? Yeah, that was kind of important. This is how I met Dave Strider.  
I sat in one of the detention desks, far in the back corner away from anyone else in the room. The wood on the desk felt hard, and had several profanities carved into it. The door opened and , the I.S.S. teacher frowned.  
"You are late, David."  
"Sorry, had to piss out that bottle of AJ in the bathroom, as much as I desire doing so on your desk, instead." He bravely replied.  
"Sit. Down. Strider." Mr. Hussie hissed, and the blonde boy rolled his eyes behind those tinted shades, as the side view of him clearly showed.  
He sat in a desk beside mine, and I quickly turned my head the other way as not to get his attention. I still got his attention.  
"Hey, the name's Dave. Come here often, gorgeous?" He said with an unreadable tone. I looked at him incredulously.  
"What?"  
"Come on, a nerd like you has at least had to try and use that once! Guaranteed to piss all the bitches off."  
"Fuck off, dick." I snapped at him, only earning a chuckle from the smug little shit.  
"STRIDER. CAPTOR. REMAIN SILENT, THIS IS DETENTION, NOT SOCIAL HOUR."  
"You're just mad you can't have this, old man." Dave pointed at his crotch, and I remember clear as day what I thought to myself. /Who the fuck is this douchemuffin?/  
"Yes, isn't your lewd vocabulary what got you into this mess? Surely you wouldn't want me to call your brother and inform him you're in here."  
Dave's smirk dropped like the bomb on Hiroshima or some shit. "No. I'm Sorry." He forced out, obviously afraid of his older brother hearing about this. It wasn't until lunchtime that "The Huss" reluctantly realeased us all to retrieve our lunches. I followed Strider down the lunchline and watched him pile his plate up with anything he could get his hands on. By the time we got up to the register he had spent twelve dollars on junk food and apple juice. I had a measly serving of meatloaf, would have cost $2.50, but thanks to free lunch I get to eat shitty food for free, a little more than the food is worth, but who was I to complain? I spotted Karkat waving at me to join him at the table, but I shook my head, he gave me "The Look".  
"The look" is like that of a stern mother telling her monkey of a child to sit his ass down before it gets beaten. I shook my head again.  
"Why not?" I saw him mouth, so I replied mouthing the words "Detention."  
"Hey, quit talking to your boyfriend and haul ass or Huss'll chew us out for taking too long." I glared at Dave, gritting my teeth at the only guy with the nerve to boss me around and be a smartass simutaneously, excluding bullies.  
"You didn't have to wait for me, jackath, and he'th not my boyfriend." Dave smirked and for a moment I wondered what could have possibly made him look so irritatingly smug. "W-What'th with that look?" I asked defensively, and when I saw how his smirk widened at my "what'th" I realized he noticed my lisp. I blushed, looking like a fucking chick I was so flustered, but oh no, it was a motherfucking asshat party for mirror shaded Dave Strider. That smug ass. I actually kind admired his asshole-ishness.  
We returned to detention together completely silent until we noticed Huss wasn't there, the entire room hummed with low murmurs. I took my seat again, he took his. "Got a first name or what, Captor?" I jabbed at my meatloaf thoughtfully, I lost my appetite just looking at the lump of mystery matter. "...Thollux." I answered somewhat meekly. I hated my name. I hated my lisp and my face. I especially hated the combination.  
"Right. Well, Sollux, you like video games, yeah?" I nodded, still uncomfortable since I was not used to conversing with someone I barely knew.  
"Well I have that new Zombie game that came out yesterday-"  
"The Virulent Tropicth?! How did you-"  
"Pre-ordered it." He replied with a smirk.  
"You lucky bathtard." I grumbled.  
"Well, If you want, you can come over and play it after school at my crib."  
"Woah, for real?"  
He smiled, suddenly this cool kid wasn't so bad anymore. "Been needing a partner to fight the bosses anyhow."  
"Shit ith it hard?" I asked, elated that this guy owned the long-awaited sequel of my favorite zombie game. Sure he was a snarky assmuffin, but it was endearing.  
"Socialization is over." Hissed the voice I never wished to hear so close. Without either me or Dave noticing, Mr. Hussie had entered the room and was currently resting his hand Dave's desk.  
"Man, you reek." Dave said reproachfully.  
"That's just your upper lip. Now I suggest you two pipe down, when school ends you can talk to your little smart mouth's content, but it is still classtime and I have yet to see your ten pages due to me."  
"Yeah, yeah." The blonde wavered him off with one hand while the other reached into his bag- for pen and paper, no doubt- he kept a confident, cool facade on, whereas the glare Hussie was giving him would have made me want to disappear. I peered over to see what he was writing, I snorted before I could get a grip on my emotions. On his lined paper, all down the lines was the same, repetitive message. /I will not call Mr. Hussie a basic bitch. I will not call Mr. Hussie a basic bitch. I will not.../  
"Something amuse you, Captor?"  
I immediately wiped my grin clean from my face. "N-no thir." I said lowly, my underlining tone apolagetic. "Brownothe" I heard Strider mumble, mocking my lisp. Playfully, I threw a wad of paper at him, he threw a wad back. Yeah, I could get used to this.  
Finally, the bell rang and released kids gushed out through the halls like bats out of hell. I shyly followed Dave, My blue backpack slung over one shoulder. I always sucked at starting converations. I didn't worry about calling dad to tell him I'd be home late, he'd just assume I was with KK or FF, that is to say if he had the time to think about me between taking care of Mituna and his restless job. I swear, sometimes I think he forgets about me. "So where do you live?" I inquired, my tone even and expression appearing casual. I hated asking questions, I was always so scared it irritated people, social anxiety much? He didn't seemed bothered by the question, replying with his usual monotone "I live in the apartments on King's View road, just ten minutes walk from here."  
"Oh, okay." I replied, trying to take a slice of Strider's coolness and utilize it in my tone.  
The blonde led me to the top floor of the building, he rested in apartment 413, as the numbers clearly stated. I looked down and noticed the tackiest welcome mat I've ever seen. Dave must have seen me quirk an eyebrow because he almost defensively blurted "We bought it for ironic reasons."  
"Well it'th working out well, I'll tell you that." I said, earning a smirk of amusement from him, which sent a strange surge of happiness shooting through me.  
His keys clinked together and echoed off the concrete halls of the apartment building while he searched through the ring of them to get the correct one. I watched nervously, unsure if I should say something or not. He finally opened the door and walked in, leaving the door open for me. I rolled my eyes but ignored his lack of manners. I walked in, the place strewn with clothes, puppets and various miscellaneous items. "Don't open the fridge, f.y.i. " I heard him call out from the hallway in his house. "It'th not like swords are gunna fall out." I mumbled, following after him, my mind soared with ten million questions, half of them pertaining to the game I came to play.  
"Xbox is in here, bro." He called out, I quickened my pace to his room, strewn with more clothes, shitty knick-knacks (no doubt for "ironic" purposes), and empty soda cans. He was on his bed, iphone out and ipod charging on his laptop.  
"Rich people." I mumbled, he only smiled. "Alright, do you like melee or what, 'cuth we gotta stradegithe." I continued, he seemed somewhat surprised by my forwardness about this game, but he answered immediately "They have swords in this game, so I switched to melee." He replied. And he calls me a nerd!  
"Alrighty, let's start a round of co-op, then." I say, smirking. "Try and keep up, noob." He answers, smirking in return. "I should be thaying that to you."  
We started a co-op and I was already impressed by the graphic's improvement and physics. I decided to play as the kid who specialized with double weapons, which Dave recommended against, saying it was "Harder than frozen nipples" to learn the controls for that one. But I played him all the time in the previous game and was effortlessly gliding to the next checkpoint. I glanced at Strider's screen he was still in the middle of the map, swamped with zombies. I headed to where he was, just out of sight and sniped a few for him. "Thanks." He mumbled.  
"Keep up, noob." I said teasingly, I saw his cheeks redden a bit due to the fact he just put his foot in his own mouth by saying the same thing to me earlier. I re-equipped my double pistols and led Dave to the checkpoint, saving his ass several times on the way there. "You thuck at thith."  
"Some of us have a life and don't waste it playing videogames."  
"Obviouthly not you, mithter pre-orderer."  
This went on for about a good hour before we decided to take a break. I sprawled on his bed and stared at the ceiling, bored. "Hey." Dave called to get my attention. I sat up and reflexively caught what he tossed to me. It was a bottle of apple juice. "Thankth." I smiled, eagerly uncapping the beverage and chugging it. The cool liquid refreshed me as it seeped down my throat. "Tho... Doeth thith mean we're friendth?" I asked, my meek side showing again. He gave me this look. Like I was a five year old asking if they were in trouble. "Hell to the yeah, why wouldn't we be?"  
"You're right, gueth your thtupidity ith jutht rubbing off on me."  
"Bite me, Captor." He said with a playful sneer.  
"Don't tempt me." I joked in return.  
"You gonna pull through with that threat?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. I wasn't sure if he was still being playful or if that was a serious question, my cheeks burned a bit as I blushed and mumbled "N-no, I'm not-"  
"Not gay. It's cool, man, I was just messin with ya anyhow."  
"Oh." I laugh anxiously, I really wished I could have seen his eyes, which I hated how he had them covered. I read people best when I saw their eyes, but not him. His shades kept me from seeing the hues behind them. It was yet another mystery that drew me to him. We went back to playing in realistic mode. After an eternity of me bitching about his shitty sword he dropped it and picked up a rifle. I have never seen a guy aim so badly in my entire life, Terezi could have aimed better and she's /blind/.  
"Dude, quit shooting me."  
"I'm not trying to, you're in my way!"  
"I prefer thaving your shitty thword-weilding ath over getting shot. Your aim ith terrible!"  
"I told you I prefer melee, but realistic mode didn't let me keep all my speed stats so, yeah I suck at it."  
"Honethtly." I tsk at him. "Are you thith bad at aiming in real life too?"  
Everything happened in a flash. The game paused, I began to open my mouth and bitch while he dropped his controller and lunged at me. I thought he was gonna punch me, but instead he pinned me on the bed we were sitting on and pressed his lips directly on mine. My heart sped up when I processed exactly what the fuck the asshole was doing. But... That wasn't right. Why was I blushing so hard? Why couldn't I find the strength to push him off? Was I gay? No. No, that couldn't have been it.  
Fuck, I didn't expect this. I didn't expect this at all. I wasn't expecting any of this godamn bullshit. And still, I have not a single thought about pushing him off. Why was my life turning into some kind of romcom out of KK's shitty movie collection? So this is where we are, reader and sexually confused narrator getting the first snogging since ninth grade. Dave didn't seem to mind that I was pretty much unresponsive, almost taking the fact that I hadn't kicked his ass as a sign I like this. And fuck, maybe I do. Maybe I do like this. Just slap a Katy Perry sticker on me that says "I kissed a boy and I liked it" because that seems to be the case.  
Back to the kissing, as that seems to be all you readers are here for, Strider was nipping at my lower lip whilst I elicited moans so foreign to my own ears, I was almost unsure if they were mine or not. I opened my eyes ever so slightly and examined the boy's cheeks peppered with freckles. His hands were snakimg up my shirt as I writhed at the hands running over my sensitive, pale skin. Just when things began to be a little to hot, I managed to squeak "Th-thtop." As I weakly pushed against his chest, the lack of breathing right leaving me lightheaded. He did not get off, but he did indeed cease his lip attacks. Instead, he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "How's that for aiming?" He purred, and before I could tell him how much of an idiot he was, a gruff voice called out from the open doorway. "Hey." I whipped my head over towards the voice, my cheeks turning red as I realized I was staring at none other than Dave's older brother. "Thith ithn't what it lookth like-" I began to blurt out but he simply shook his head. "I really don't give a shit, but you better scram on home, kid, I gotta talk to shithead Dave about his language choice at school." The icy tone froze my insides, even Dave slinked back, knowing he fucked up. "Yeth thir." I replied respectfully. Everything about- Oh fuck it, I'll call him Bro -Mister Strider sounds way too formal for this cool cat- shouted pure awesome, his hair which spiked out perfectly like it was made for that hat on his head. Those pointy anime shades that only added to his awesomeness aura. His toned muscles under a casual white shirt and black pants. I wanted to stay on his good side if I planned on coming over to play Virulent Tropics again. Okay, I admit it, I kind of wanted to pay Dave back for that surprise smooch that has me questioning my once oh-so-clear orientation, too. "Thee ya Dave." I mumbled, straightening my hair and askew glasses before snatching my backpack and heading for the door. "Watch out for creeps, kiddo." Bro idly calls out as I walk out the door, I don't respond. Instead I text Karkat and ask to crash at his place, and to my luck, he texts me -and I quote-  
"YEAH GET YOUR DELINQUENT ASS OVER HERE. WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK SOONER YOU LISPING NITWIT?"  
"ii'll tell you about iit when ii reach your hou2e, kk." I replied immediately after. I hate my phone, I tried upgrading and reprogramming it when I was younger and screwed the internal data translator so when I type "i"s it makes it "ii" same for "s" to "2", a weird ass glitch I've never been able to fix. At least its not too bad, but I feel like it mocks me. Yes, I know I'm talking about an inanimate object, but the coincidence that I can't even type an s correctly much less pronounce it frustruates me. Fuck fate. But enough about my constant bitching, onward to KK's house.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Thanks for the multitude of reviews, guys (sarcasm)! But seriously I give my thanks to the followers, because I'm not exaggerating when I say every single favorite or follow or comment means a lot to me. Thank you.  
P.S calm yo titties, I'm prolly gonna write smut in chapter 4/5 depending on how chapter 3 turns out.

Chapter 2:  
~

Karkat's house. It's a place I can call home. Mr. Vantas was pretty nice, Kankri was usually off at debate meetings, and Karkat was, well, Karkat. They lived in a cute little couldesac where kids ran amok until sundown. Their house was rather cozy, a small three bedroom duplex. I walk down the concrete path to the left of the building, where the door awaited my hand to knock on it. It took a knock and a half before Karkat opened the door, pulled me in, covered my mouth and drug me to his room. My nails dug into his arm before pulling out my special move that always got KK's hand off. I licked it. He pulled away in disgust and I was quick to shout "KK, what the fuck?" His eyes widened. "Shut up!" He whispered angrily, I was a little concerned about whatever had Karkat so wound up, but he then said "Kankri's speech was postponed and the fucker's here- which means he'll want anyone outside of the fam to give him their input on his godamn long ass fucking lecture on racial slurs." I laughed earning a rather rough punch on my arm "What's so funny, fuckhead?"  
I rubbed my arm after regaining my usual composure. "Thorry, I just didn't think you could be tho dramatic."  
"Fuck you."  
"What time?" He shot me a glare and I just smiled. "You gonna tell me why you're here?" He asked after a long silence, and I quirked my eyebrow. "Thinthe when have I needed a reathon to thee my karkrabby?" I said teasingly, using his old nickname to get a rise out of him. "Seriously, Sollux, I know when something's bothering you. Talk to me or I'll sick Kankri to lecture you to death." I sighed, trying to come up with a way to stall time. "I was at this guy's house..." I began hesitantly. Of course, KK asked me who and I felt compelled to tell him the truth. As bluntly honest and sharp tongued as he was, his ears were always open to me. I liked that. "This guy named Dave Strider, he-" Karkat choked on the he pulled out of practically nowhere before blubbering "Dave Strider, you mean sunglasses-smugass-titfucking-dipshit-Dave Strider? The same Dickhole that started rumors about me still sleeping with a teddy bear?"  
Oh yeah, I forgot him and this one guy in elemantary -apparantly Dave- had literally faught tooth and nail everday. "KK, that wath like fifth grade, grow up."  
"Like you don't hold a grudge against Eridan still." He pouted, arms crossed to show his withering patience an no-bullshit-tolerance. "So what were you doing with Strider?"  
"Oh you know, becoming the betht of friendth, played video gameth, threw inthultth at each other, kithed, drank applejuithe."  
"Kiss?!"  
"Yeah he kind of jutht dethided he wanted to punch my mouth with hith."  
"And you let him?"  
"Well... Yeah, I wath tho caught off guard he pretty much had me enthnared in hith deadly lip trap."  
"But I thought you were straight?"  
"Gahhhh that'th my problem, kk. I don't even know anymore! One minute I meet thome guy and we play video gameth while taking turnth being athes to each other then the next fucking minute he'th macking on me like I wath hith fucking wife or thome shit like that! A-and I actually liked it!" I ran my hands through my hair, bursting out everything. I hated my rising temper, but just recalling everything was just such an infuriating task! I hated a lot of things at that moment. But was flipping back and forth between hating and liking Dave. His lips were softer than silk on mine, but his stupid voice pissed me off. His hands were so comforting but that godamn smug as grin made me want to punch his nuts so hard that they'd be in his fucking throat. I hate him- I like him- I hate him- fuuuuck. "So you -re-met him just today...?"  
"Yeah."  
"You're a dumbass, Sollux, you are so fucking dumb it hurts."  
"Takes one to know one." I grumbled, rubbing my temples to ease my newest headache. I just /love/ the sensation of my head being hit repeatedly with a sledgehammer. "You barely even know the guy." Karkat continued. "Oh thpare me, like you're one to talk; kithing Terezi the thecond day you ethcorted her through the hallth, you were practically eating her fucking fathe like a five thtar meal."  
"That was different!"  
"How, dipshit?"  
"I waited until the second day."  
"Oooh, one whole day, KK, that's /such/ a big difference."  
All was silent, we spent a good chunk stabbing each other with our glares. After we realized using one's looks to physically stab someone doesn't work very well, we broke our icy lock of the eyes. "Thith ith not helping KK, what the thummerthaulting fuck am I thuppothed to do?"  
"I don't fucking know!"  
"You're alwayth thtudying romanthe movieth, what usually happenth?"  
"They fall in love.. B-but just... Try to approach it logically, next time you guys hang out, tell him you just wanna be friends for now."  
"Thankth bro."  
"Now, can we play Virulent Facility?"  
"Yeah. Maybe it will help get my mind off of being thnogged by thome ironic douchebag."  
"That's the spirit, now grab a controller, assface." He grumbled in his usual grumpy tone. That's another thing I loved about the guy. Not only does he listen to my bullshit and put up with it, he also knows when to give it a rest and help cool me down. Halfway through me and KK serving up zombie ass like it's the daily special, my phone rings. Karkat releases a new string of bitching about having to pause during such an intense horde, but I immediately pick up the phone and he shuts up.  
"...Hey dad."  
"Where are you?"  
"Oh you're checking on your thon, you mutht have had thome thpare time to care about me."  
"Sollux, I have been worried sick, now tell me where you are this instant, you insufferable brat."  
"KK'th, dad, where I alwayth go when I need a family."  
"When you get home you are tho grounded, mithter."  
"Aw, cute, I made your lithp ."  
"Don't be thurprithed when your computer ith gone."  
"Dad, wait, I'm thorry. I jutht lotht track of time!"  
"We'll talk about this when you see me. Come thtraight home tomorrow, you underthtand?"  
I roll my eyes. "Yeth, thir."  
"Good. I love you, son."  
"Love you too, dad." I sigh out, hanging up my phone and picking up my controller. "Tho are we gonna play or what?" I growled, he just nodded, readying himself for when I unpaused it. I wasn't really there, though. I was replaying the moment I kissed Strider, not even KK's raging about OP'd zombies seemed to break the endless replay. Everytime I thought about those lips meeting mine, my heart would get all wound up like a clock on crack. Just friends. Right.  
"Dude get the fucking fuck outta my way, you're making it hard to kill things!"  
The Game Over screen followed soon after, leaving Karkat fuming. "When did you start sucking at this?"  
"Thorry, the thequel'th controlth have me all out of wack."  
"What's got you out of wack is a serving of Strider Snogging."  
"Shut up, kk."  
"Admit it, you are so captivated by that stoic assmuch's advancements towards you!"  
"Thith ithn't one of your shitty romcoms, KK." He scowled at what I said. "They're not shitty, you're just being a jerkfaced pissmuffin."  
There was a light knock on the door before it opened to reveal a very offended looking Kankri, lips pursed like the little snoot he was. "Pardon me, boys, but I couldn't help but overhear Karkat's profanities and I thought you two could take a moment whilst I give you a lecture about the use of innapropriate language and how it could possibly offend others..."  
Yeah. You can tell how the rest of our night went. He was almost never at home, and so, yeah, I forgot how much of a fucking motormouth that guy was, it was like his lungs were like that of a deep diver's while he spewed absolutely pointless nonsense without a single pause for minutes at a time. I use minutes lightly, it was like every fucking fifteen minutes he'd stop talking for a few miliseconds to refill his lungs of steel. Before I fell asleep, I reminded myself to set some ground rules with Strider tomorrow.

~o~

"Yo." Dave greeted me as I trudged into class, I didn't lift my head, currently pointed at my dumbass mismatched shoes, but just kind of looked up over the rims of my glasses. My eyes gave him the politest of "fuck you"s I have ever bestowed upon a bastard unfortunate enough to come across my path during the morning. His expression stayed the same, save for his right eyebrow quirked in reaction to my morning sunshine deathglare. "Morningth." I simply grunt, glaring down at the dumb desk I had to sit in. I almost went apeshit when a wad of paper decided it liked my face and hit it, but when it fell on my desk, I realized it was a note. I opened it. "Dont be like that, Captor, I'll even let you play first player today." Had been scrawled, just barely legible. I decided this was when I had to friendzone the sarcastic shitstain.  
"Look. I don't know what kind of fucked up shit came over you yesterday, but if it happens again I'm gonna fuck you up."  
I sent it flying his way.  
"Oooh, I'm so scared, what could a lvl 90 possibly do to me?"  
I grit my teeth and scribbled a "Fuck you." Before putting a heavy eraser in it, wrapping it up, and launching it for Strider's face. He smacked it in mid-air faster than a mother snatching her emergency supply of chocolate after a day of brat overload. He read it and his oh-so familiar smirk showed. Just before The Huss could look up and spot the note, he slipped it into his red hoodie in a single fluid movement. The rest of detention was uneventful until lunchtime. The moment I set a foot outside of that damn class, Dave was up my ass and around the corner. "So you comin' over today or not?"  
"Dependth, you gonna eat my fathe again?" I snapped at him, not really angry, but I loved teasing him.  
"Probably not." He replied, his tone equally teasing.  
"Thankth for tholving that mythtery, sherlock" I said with a roll of the eyes. He just shrugged, being the nonchalant dick he was. Today was chicken nugget snowbowl, featuring half cooked frozen vegetables and mediocre chicken bits sprinkled onto a mound of mashed potatoes. I always hated school lunch, but can poor kids really complain? I guess I was just doing it since Strider was piling up his plate with enough junk to make a diabetic do a double take of disapproval.  
I ditched the food again, not hungry in the least, though I regretted the descision about an hour later. Aren't I just the best at thinking ahead? They should give me an award with the words "You fucking tried" engraved in it. My stomach growled in the middle of the dead silent detention room, making even The Huss Master himself peer up from his book and arch an eyebrow in inquiry. I felt my cheeks burn a bit from my embarassment blush. I kept my head down, wincing at every grumble and gurgle my stomach made in attempt to do a Satan impression. /Thanks, asshole./  
I heard the crackle of a chip bag and I wanted to strangle Dave for pulling out godamned chips and eating them in front of me. I whipped my head to the side, glaring at the blonde, who furrowed his brows in question to my angry glare. Another gurgle. He handed me the bag of chips, which I eagerly took and rushed to open the bag and uncover its salty chip-y goodness.  
When I was done scarfing the last of the chips, I recieved a note from Dave. Warily, I flipped it over and began to read it, that is, before it was snatched out of my hands by Hussie's talons. "You look cute when you smile, Captor, hope to see more of that later back at my crib." He boomed to the populace of detention. A few snickered as I punched at Dave's arm then proceeded to sink further into my chair, cheeks, no doubt, red as a tomato's. "Let this be an example to all of you troublemaking nitwits; pass notes and everyone will get to read it."  
"You suck, Huss."  
"You swallow." He retorted, strutting back to his desk and shoving his nose in a book.  
I was never so fucking happy to hear a screeching bell than the end of that day. I walked towards my locker, coincidentally a few lockers down from the coolkid hinself. "W-well, w-well, w-well, if it isn't Sol."  
I tensed at the voice, but managed to keep my voice low and even. "Fuck off, Ampora." I growled.  
I still felt his arrogant aura around me. "I heard you'v-ve got a boyfriend."  
"That'th none of your fucking busineth, now kindly fuck the fuck off."  
And yet he stayed. "I heard you're hot n' heav-vy w-with Strider ov-ver there." He continued, as if by announcing this he had said something witty. Which, spoiler alert: he fucking didn't. "Look, you're in the way-"  
"You're in my w-way."  
I narrowed my eyes. "Eridan, I thwear to god if you don't get your fish breath fathe out of mine I'm going to-"  
"You're going to do what, fag?" He challenged, shoving me agaist the locker I had just closed before facing him. "I'll break that pretty little nothe of yourth." I replied, fists clenched and at the ready. I faltered a bit in my eyes, though, and he spotted that. "I'll make you ev-ven more of a freak than you are now-w, Captor, you fuckin' try me." He hissed venomously, towering over me, and my fear was almost overriding my anger. "You're three F's now, Captor. A failure a faggot and a freak." Eridan continued on, smug grin on his face, shooting rage through me. That was the last straw, and as I lunged for his snooty swim team captain face, he actually lookeed scared. I only managed one swing to his jaw and my hand stung like a bitch. It was worth it though. Dave, who had been probably watching the whole time, pulled me off of Ampora, who managed to throw a few swings and hit my own face.  
"Fuck you, Ampora! Go home and cry to daddy you little rich kid puthywhip!" I bellowed, fighting Dave's strong grip, but to no avail.  
"Tell your mother I said 'hi' the next time you v-visit her grav-ve!"  
"You little bitch I'm not done with you!" I screeched, my chest burning at the mention of my mom. "Cool it, Captor, don't let him get to you!" I finally heard Dave shout, the blinding anger fading and leaving the feeling of feeling like absolute shit.  
"C'mon, let's get to my house, I gotta clean you up" He said, relaxing his death hug on me as he saw the hurt and defeat in my eyes, blood dripping from my nose and mouth.  
"Yeah, fine." I grumbled. As I walked towards his house I had this nagging in the back of my head like I was forgetting something important, but the stress and pain I was in kind of prevented me from dwelling on it. When we arrived to his house he ushered me into his room, returning with stuff to wipe up my blood with. He applied ice and advised I "take it easy".  
"Thankth, Dr. thtrider." I mumbled. "No problem hotstuff." He threw back to me jokingly, though I blushed at it. I've been blushing a lot lately. What if that's a symptom of some deadly disease? Oh yeah, it's called crushing on someone. "Erm... Thankth for holding me back when I wailed on Ampora."  
"No prob, the dick deserved a meeting with your fist, but I don't want you to get yourself into too much trouble."  
"W-well thank you for that, I gueth..."  
I felt his hand on my cheek, thumb tracing under one of my eyes. "Those eyes are totally sick."  
"Gee thanks, glad to know they're revolting. Look at me not giving a fuck about what you-"  
"No, no. Sick as in cool, numbnuts."  
"O-oh..." I looked away at anything that wasn't his face which was currently really close to mine to the point saimese twins would feel cramped.  
"D-Dave, I jutht want to be friendth..."  
"Karkat told you to say that didn't he?"  
"Yeah."  
"So here's the part where I don't give a fuck what Karkat says." Before I could respond, I felt those lips slam into mine, what was with this guy and ninja lip sneak attacks? I didn't know what I was thinking, because I probably wasn't. I kissed back at him, not as shocked as last time. I was the first to bite at his lip, which made him groan in response. I swiped my tongue over his lower lip, which he opened his mouth to release his tongue so we could engage in battle. Oh? Are you surprised I knew how to kiss? I give my thanks to Aradia, who taught me every sex move that I didn't learn from porn. Yes, I know, a seventeen year old Texan boy watching porn. Unheard of. Anygay, we were really going all out, just eating each other's face while I involuntarily made these breathy little moans, I guess Strider had his own expierience that somehow exceeded my own, as I grew tired and slowly lost the battle of tongue warriors.  
"Ah." I gasped out when he pulled away, his hands under my shirt teasing my hard nipples. Wait, when did those get there? I was so into that kiss, I hardly noticed his other touches until the dizzying pleasure hit me all at once, our lean figures doing what teens do best- grinding against each other. It was needless to say that things were getting a little too hot for me, and I began to shy away. "What's the matter, Sollux?" He panted out, my name rolling off his tongue like he had mastered the art of making my heart have spontaneous palpitations. "I-I'm not ready for... That." I panted in reply. Reluctantly, he got off of me, which really earned more respect points that he was willing to stop if I didn't want it. "I-I got to go..." I told him, and just as I turned away from him, I felt his arms wrap around me, his hot breath down my neck. That's a pretty sensitive area. Thanks for the sexual frustruation, Dave. "Don't I get a goodbye kiss?" He asked, making me tsk. "Really, thtrider? Really?"  
"Yes."  
I sighed, giving into his demand. I wrapped my arms around the slightly taller guy's neck, our lips just touching one another gingerly, a chaste peck, if you will. And I liked every moment of it. I still want to die, because I actually liked macking on the guy I only met yesterday, because there was something... About him. Something that made me feel like I have known him for so much longer. Call me crazy, but I actually had romantic feelings for the guy.  
Right as I was halfway to kk's I received a text.  
"HEY, HOW DID PUTTING THE FRIENDSHIP LEASH ON THE PRICK GO?"  
I sighed, smiling despite all this bullshit. "ii can't re2traiin thi2 2triider." I replied. Almost half a second later, I received another text. When I checked to see what Vantass wrote back, I realized it wasn't from him. It was from dad.  
"You are so grounded, hope staying at Karkat's was worth it."  
Well fuck me.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't want to get up, so when I feel a foot nudging me awake, I only groan and roll over on my side, facing away from the douche trying to bother me. "Come on, shithead, dad made breakfast for your freeloading ass." I hear Karkat growl, and as much as I love his father's cooking, fatigue and a migrane beckoned my eyes to stay shut and begged me to fall back asleep to ease the pain. I had a feeling today was going to be really shitty. "I SAID GET UP YOU LAZY SACK OF FUCKS!" My eyes snapped open when a foot jabbed my side sharply. I sat up, feeling pretty pissed and glaring at my friend. "Alright, alright, I'm getting up! Keep your pantieth on!" I chuck an empty soda can at him, which he attempts to slap out of the air, but unlike Dave did, he fails miserably and gets smacked in the face by the aluminum projectile object. He shoots me a look that says "I'm going to kick your ass." but he walk out of the room, mumbling that he gets first pick of breakfast. I get up, head spinning from the pain I was in.

When I walk into the kitchen, I smell honey buns and pancakes with hot maple syrup. The entire Vantas family was sitting at the table, only one chair left vacant for me. Karkat didn't look at me, but began to aggressively stab at his food and scarf everything he could like it was going to be taken from him any moment. Kankri smiled at me, which I attempted to return, but my malice for him and the headsplitting agony I was in made me barely able to stand, let alone make specific facial expressions. "Morning, Sollux, are you feeling well?" asked Mr. Vantas, his eyebrows knitted together in concern. I swallow the lump in my throat and lie through my teeth. "Yeah." I croak out, getting one pancake and some milk to wash it down with, though I never really was a breakfast person. Nevertheless, to spare myself from Karkat's bitching and hurting Mr. Vantas' feelings, I got food and sat down to join the family, practically shoveling forkfuls into my mouth. Karkat lifted his brow at my scarfing, before glaring down at his plate and eating just a bit faster. I took this as a challenge and eagerly picked up the pace, somewhere in my mind I knew this was stupid, but the rest of my mind told me I was a guy. Guys don't usually care if they're doing something stupid like an eating race, right?  
I slung my bag over the shoulder, stomach hurting from eating too fast. Boy, am I a genius, or what? At least I beat Vantas. Said Vantas was trudging to school, his usual grimace plastered on. He was even less of a morning person than I. "So you got five more days of this detention bullshit, huh?" He grumbled when we entered and walked to I. S. S.  
"Yep, jutht gotta thurvive Thtrider." I replied with a shrug.  
"Well, it's not like you'll fall behind in class, but its awfully boring without your ass being there to pick on."  
"Aw, you mith me? I'm touched, KK."  
"Oh shut up, four-eyes."  
"Better go to the Cafe, TZ's probably waiting for you."  
"Yeah... Wouldn't wanba be late and have her wander off... Later, Sollux." He bids me goodbye as he shuffled off.  
I lift my hand in a gesture of goodbye, Noticing Strider coming around the corner in front of KK. They both stopped and tensed, eyes glaring at one another.  
"Strider." Karkat said icily.  
"Vantas." Dave returned with the same, cold tone. They took another few moments glaring at one another before KK shoved his way past, continuing towards tarezi.  
I was somewhat proud Karkat hadn't swung a punch or profanity, but instead stamped away and avoided any form of strife. Dave brushed past me, looking at me with an unusually soft smile and- was that a blush? Damn look at that ass- oh shit he looked back. Act natural. I was totally not staring at Strider ass.  
"You just gonna stand there and stare?" He mused, raising an eyebrow. With a roll of my eyes, I walked over to my desk, dreading when I would have to go home and deal with dad's bullshit. "You comin' over today or what?"  
"Can't. Dad'th flipping a bitch and a half over me avoiding home."  
"Lemme guess, he's the overprotecting suburban white dad that doesn't really pay attention to you."  
"Well, yeah. How'd you know?"  
"Lucky guess." He said, sticking his tongue out childishly. Don't get me wrong. I love my dad, and I know he slaves away under Eridan's father night and day just to keep up with the bills, but by supporting us with life essentials, he sacrifices the actual point of having a family. Damn, he was going to be pissed when I got home.  
"How about I come over to your place?"  
"Well, thinthe you were tho polite going about it- no."  
"Oh come on, 'thourputh', daddy won't be as mad if I'm there. Its been scientifically proven parents are nicer when they have a guest staying over."  
"I jutht love it when prickth like you dethide what I'm going to do for me."  
"So..." He continued casually, "Is that a yes?" I just smiled, mumbling under my breath: "Fucking unbelievable."  
"Alrighty, I get to see Captor castle."  
"I think you mean torn up shack."  
"Whatever floats your metaphorical fishing boat."  
Another painfully silent day. With new light shed on my problem, I soon anticipated going home to dad and Mit. I guess you could say my looking forward to it as -I can't believe I'm saying this- ironic. I managed to eat something today, tomato soup was pretty good compared to other cafeteria monstosities.  
The warm soup, though, does not soothe my resurfacing headache. Dave must have noticed my face twisted in pain, because he worldessly stood, took my empty tray and stacked it on his before walking to throw them away. When he sat down, I could tell by the way his head was tilted, he was looking at me. I longed to see his irises, what lovely color lies behind those shades? Wow, I'm getting gayer and gayer, did I really just think about how good looking his eyes will be? I think I need someone to slap me, that was too much.  
The Huss lectured us today. I think he was meant to be a college professor, but even the his employers found him to hateful and bitter for the job. Also he gifted me an extra week of this efficient use of my spare time for hitting Ampora. No wonder Dave hates his guts.  
When school ended, I noticed Ampora was leaning against a wall with several swooning women, fawning over him and asking to feel his jaw where I socked him. I sneer at him when we make eye contact before getting on with retrieving my locker's contents.  
When I close it, Dave is waiting at a comfortable distance, leaning lazily against the metal rows, looking right at me. I don't feel like smiling at him, so I remain expressionless like him, appearing almost bored. Without asking him if he was ready to go, I began walking off, homebound. Of course, he followed after me, silent and collected. I envied him a bit, to be honest. Who wouldn't at how well he looked comfortably casual? I could do the same, but I gave off a gloomy aura and looked like I was just completely done with the world. I could be considered an angsty boy who gives no fucks, wheras Strider just gave no fucks.  
The walk wasn't too bad, but the minute I opened the door something went flying my way followed by screaming. "BUT I JUTHT TOOK ONE!" Screeched the voice I recognized immediately as Mituna's, followed by the soft tone of a stressed Latula. "MT, baby, calm down, you fell in the mud, so you /have/ to take another bath. Don't you like bubble baths, babe?"  
"YETHNO WAIT...h-how am I thuppothed to feel about it?" Dave was tense, a clear indication of his discomfort. I forgot to tell him about Mit. "Hey." I called from the doorway, Mituna turning to me with a big, toothy grin. "THOLLUKTH!" He cried happily, dashing to give me a brofist, but only suceeding in giving his face a regular visit with the ground. I chuckled lightly. "Take a chill pill, Mit."  
"THORRY" he said, blushing from embarassment. Making me sigh and roll my eyes. "Try to use your inside voice, dude."  
"THORRY."  
"You're still yelling." I say a little too grumpily, hands in my face. Strider was awfully quiet over there.  
"I THAID I WATH FUCKINGUH THORRY DIPSHIT!"  
"Mituna, please keep your voice down." Came another voice from the kitchen. Dad.  
"Thorry, but tholluxth ith here and he brought thomebody."  
"Is that so?" I hear the irritated undertone and inwardly flinch.  
"Well, I guess he can skip dinner to feed this unexpected guest."  
"Yeah, yeah." I grumble, grabbing Dave's limp wrist and pull him towards my room before dad decided to greet us.  
When I shut the door, Dave laughed "Didn't think you'd be so excited to get me in your bedroom."  
"Would it kill you to not cracj a godamn gay joke, Thtrider?"  
He shrugged, plopping himself comfortably on my bed. "Nice comp." He commented pointing at my pride and joy. Looks like dad didn't take it out after all. "Built her mythelf." I say proudly, giving the keyboard an affectionate stroke. "So what was with your little brother?"  
"He's nineteen, Dave. Older brother."  
"Yeah, okay, /older/ brother. What was up with him?"  
I looked down, calculating how I should begin. "Mom and Mituna were walking home when a man robbed them. He shot mom and Mit. Both headshotth. The docth managed to thave Mit, who hath mild brain damage, but my mom died before the ambulance even got there." I let the words pour out quickly, scared that if I paused, for even one moment, I would start to cry. I think he could tell, because he bothered enough to get off his lazy ass and place a hand under my chin, forcing me to look up. This was all so sudden, but, then again, what wasn't when I'm around this guy? "Sorry, bro, I didn't-"  
"It's fine I say, a little harsher than I meant to, but enough to fight the heartache threatening to ooze out of the cracks in my soul.  
"You're awful moody, Sollux. You rival Karkat."  
"Damn right I'm moody, ever thinthe you came along-"  
He pulled me forward, towards him as he wheeled backwards. I cried out in surprise as I landed none-too-comfortably on top of him, the messy conforter of my unmade bed crumpled around us. I almost expected his lips to meet mine, but he soon was rolling to get on top of me. "G-get off, shithead!" I hissed, my hands shooting to push him away. His hands caught my wrists effectively, pushing them down into the bed. He lowered his head, hot breath running deliciously over my neck, making me shiver.  
"Sollux Captor," He said in a low, chastising tone, "You've left me no choice in the matter of milking out an emotion that every angsty teenage boy has. Prepare to scream for mercy." My eyes widened, a blush forming on my face. "Wh-What are you-?"  
I was inturrupted by his hands shooting for my stomach, groping my sides and making me choke out a laugh. "O-Oh my fucki- Jethuth, Dave, H-How old are you?!" I tried to shout oit angrily, my laughing in between not really helping. "We all need a goid laugh, and you were way overdue." He said, his stupid face making stupid face. I tried so hard not to laugh and squirm, but we've all been tickled before, and by the end I was in tears. "Tht- Thtop-! I can't- I'll pith right fucking on you if you don't thtop your shit!"  
"What's the magic word?"  
"The magic word ith my foot up your ath, Thtrider! Thtop!"  
"Is it... Please, perhaps? Can you say please?"  
"Oh jethutg tap-dancing chritht, pl-pleathe thtop!" I finally yelped out. When his hands withdrew, he remained straddling me, our eyes locked. "The look in your face is priceless, Captor."  
"Jutht shut up, already." I panted out at him, eyes narrowed in agitation. He just continued his smirking. Always that damn sexy ass smug tilt of a smile. "Can do." Was all he said, leaning in close to kiss me. Just before our lips met, a sharp knock on my door made me shove the unexpecting Dave off of me, his smug ass landing right on the floor. "What is it?"  
"Dinner time, dad thayth your friend can thtay the night, but he won't drive you guyth to school!"  
I groan, getting out of bed. "Dude, are you even planning on staying the night?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.  
"...Yeah, lemme just text my bro so he won't freaking go apeshit that I'm not home."  
"Okay, cool, I gueth."  
"Gettin me some Captor ass." He snickered jokingly, making me smile again.  
"Not cool."


	4. What used to be Chapter 4

**Okay, here's the part where I take down the smut, rewrite the chapter and drag this out longer so it's not a random piece of shit.**


	5. Chapter 4

**HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA**

**NOT SURE WHEN THE SMUT WILL COME IN WATCH IT BE 10 CHAPTERS FROM NOW I WOULD DIE LAUGHING**

**Yeah, I decided to revive this load of digested excrement and try and give it another go. This has no plot. No conflict. Its gonna suck. But hey, look, DaveSol.**

Dinner was really awkward. When we first crawled out to the dining room table, everything had been set along with two extra plates and chairs; one for Dave and one for Latula. As expected, my softie of a father made a plate for Dave, despite his earlier comment of me having to give my meal up. Speaking of dad, he was already seated along with Mituna and Latula, twirling a forkful of pasta.

"Thanks for dinner, Mr. Captor." Dave smiled, sitting down in one of the only two vacant seats left and immediately scooping a forkful. "My pleasure, Sollux hardly ever brings anyone over, this is the first time that it isn't Karkat." My father replied with a light chuckle. "Sollux come sit down and eat dinner like everyone else, I worked hard on making a good meal."

"Yeah, okay, whatever."

Okay, so dinner itself wasn't half bad. Then again, anything tastes good after eating ramen 14 nights in a row. Mainly, I listened to Dave talk to Mit, which confused the ever loving fuck out of me because Dave was being way too polite for that to really be his true persona. It was kind of like the manners fairy hijacked his brain and was making him refrain from being his usual asshole self. Though even that was short-lived.

Brow nosing aside, it was clear my father knew something was up between us and decided to play investigator. "So, er, Dave, how did you meet Sollux?

_Definitely not detention._

"Thecond grade."_  
_

"Speech"

I kicked his leg underneath the table to signal that he should probably shut the fuck up.

"Thpeech."

"Second grade."

I stomped on his foot, telling him to shut up and not make it obvious that we were lying.

"Well, uh, I knew Sol since the second grade, but we really became good buds in speech class." _Oh, smooth one, Dave. You actually deserve a pat on the back._

"I see... and what are some of your hobbies?" That was the line that made Dave switch from polite and tolerable to douche-y and unbearably awkward.

"I find that rapping and wooing the ladies are a reasonable way to pass the time." he replied casually, as if he were discussing his rock collection. I just about face palmed. He is such a dweeb and he doesn't even know it. I would almost prefer to hear him waste his time on something boring like collecting fossils or some stupid, unpredictable shit that he would totally do and smother anyone who asked why with excuses of "for ironic purposes" bullshit. I would even prefe- Did he just put his hand on my thigh under the table?!

"Rapping?" My father lifted a brow. "What artist do you like?" that made Dave titter. "No, no, I freestyle, pave my own road down lyric city."

"Oh, creative, may I hear some lyrics?" I had to act fast before he embarrassed himself. I pretended to drop my fork, then proceeded to carefully pick it up and thoughtfully jam it into Strider's hand.

"AUUUGH- I would love to, A-All right, here goes nothing." He strained to say the words without them sounding like he was in utter pain. Man, either he is too stupid to take a hint that he should shut up, or a really stubborn little shit. Before I drew too much attention, I sat up and continued to stomp on his foot as random intervals, trying to trip up his rapping, to no avail. Most of the time he was looking at me while I shot him a look that showed him how pissed, embarrassed, and annoyed by him.

One profane "gangstah" rap later, my dad's eyes were wide, cheeks red, mouth agape, and a forkful of pasta that only made it halfway to his mouth before his arm froze. He seemed at a lost for words, and after a good solid five minutes of him looking shocked, he finally spoke up. "Very... Creative."

Oh my fuck. Somebody just kill me. Just bust through my wall screaming "OH YEAH!" and hand me a pitcher of food colored cyanide so I don't have to deal with the fact that Dave just single handedly made an ass out of himself. Oh, christ, now Mit's staring to cuss again, and after I just got him to quit being so lewd.

"Not my best, still a work in progress, really."

Fuck me. In every orifice. I don't know what's worse: Watching Strider kiss ass or actually being himself around my dad. Both make me want to double over and scream out my eyeballs.

My hand darts down to pinch the crap out of the hand still resting on my thigh. I smirk a bit when I see him jump slightly, biting his lip to keep himself from making any noise. Yet, his hand is still there, moving higher and making me squirm. Just what the fuck does he think he's doing?

"Sollux, are you okay?" Dad asks, and while I am still trying to push Strider's hand away, I manage to say "Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry." I force a smile, which was less convincing than telling a man you aren't going to shoot him while you cock the gun you have against his temple.

"If you say so. Is the food all right?"

"Yeth, but, um, daddy, could you pleathe path the thalt?"

My face paled when both my father and Dave turned their heads and replied with "Sure" before reaching for the salt. My father looked horrified once he processed what Dave just trying to make shit worse. I tried to ignore the stare I got from Latula, tried to ignore Mituna losing every last shit he had, and I tried to block out how red my father's face was while his gaze shifted back and forth from me to Dave.

I just kept drawing blood with my nails, while Dave tried to revive conversation between him and Mituna, who was already over the ordeal. Once I was absolutely sure he was talking with Mit and not paying much attention to anything else, I poured a reasonable amount of salt on his hand on the open scratch wounds. Recoiling in defeat, Daves hand rested itself on his own thigh while I allowed myself to smirk at my small albeit satisfying victory.

We all tried to act like nothing happened, and ate our food mostly in silence besides the occasional chatter of Dave and Mituna about popular skaters. Great, the one day my dad _is_ home, a certain fuckhead practically invites himself then embarrasses himself, _embarrasses me, _and makes my father possibly question my sexuality, which if for some unholy reason I am cursed with him asking what it is I am just as lost if not more than he is about finding the answer to _that_ puzzle. Fantastic, even Karkat can't fuck up that badly in one sitting.

I left my plate where it was ans stormed off to my room, inexplicably angry. Okay, no, actually, I _had_ a reason to be pissed off, and the moment it came through my door, his ass was getting kicked.

Just a few moments later, I heard the metallic clacking of my doorknob being turned, and prepared to fire the fistful of dirty socks. The filthy clothing items went flying and hit the blonde, who seemed unaffected by my assault. Much to my disappointment.

"Hey shithead, you earned yourthelf a thpot on the floor to thleep on for the ludicrouth amount of athfuckery out there." I growled, getting up and going straight towards him to smack the freckles off his cheek. Although, once I was face to face with him, so close that I could lean forward and kiss him. I MEAN HEADBUTT HIM. There went my burst of anger.

"There was no assfuckery out there, I prefer to do that kind of thing in private." He replied with a grin. "You're not cute, Thtrider. In fact, you are the biggetht athhole, other than mythelf, to ever roam the univerthe."

"Why am I an asshole, pray-tell?"

"My dad probably thinkth you're my boyfriend now!" I hissed in a hushed whisper, glaring so viciously, I could almost see him wince behind his shades.

"Okay, so we kiss it up, suck face more than a black hole doing coke on the sink of some bathroom at an astronomical club, but we're not dating. So what are we?"

I thought for a moment. For once, I actually thought and realized that I was being so stupid as to be macking on some guy I since day one of me meeting him in detention. Actually, I was just plain idiotic for it, and worst of all, I was a piece of absolute shit for letting the crazy aunt of my brain floor it autobahn style into this situation.

"Sollux, what does that make me?" He continued to press at the matter.

"A moron." I bit my lip, my thoughts consuming most of me while I stared at his lips. "But a lucky moron."

"What makes me lucky, the rabbit foot up my ass?"

"That thomeone ith jutht ath moronic and put'th up with your shit." _I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be doing this._

I lifted myself onto the balls of my feet and pressed my lips softly to his. He wrapped his arms around me, trying to pull me close, but I lost my balance and began to fall. Instead of him breaking the kiss like a normal person, he toppled over with me onto the ground, making a loud, incriminating **thud**. He just kept kissing me, it wasn't like in those cheesy rom-coms where the couple kisses once and holds it for an eternity and a half. They were small pecks, one after another, small, but leaving large surges of warmth through me. He bit my bottom lip and dragged back a bit, I guess he remembered I like that. I reciprocate with a breathy moan and grabbing his right buttcheek. Damn, he didn't just have an ass. He had an A.S.S. He groaned a bit from the squeeze, mouth shooting down to my neck.

I made a heated moan from the feeling of his teeth and hot breath dancing over my skin, my cheeks reddening from both the heat and embarrassment. "So cute." I heard him breath out, slipping a hand underneath me shirt and earning another shuddering gasp.

"THOLLUX ITH GETTING THE D!" I hear Mituna shriek through the wall, making me pull away from Dave and flop onto the bed for an ultimate face palm.

"So... you still mad?" Dave asked, panting lightly while he got up to sit on the be beside me.

"Yeah." I answer. Hell who cares if this is dumb, maybe I'll be happy again for the first time in years. It'll be like building a catapult to send me to the moon. Sure it'll end in painful failure, but it will be fun up until that moment. So I took a deep breath and continued. "I'm mad because now dad knows you're my boyfriend." Just at that moment, I hear a cough from the other side of my door, and a small note slipped under it. I read the note, a message from my dad, according to the handwriting. "Be safe.- Dad" I turned it over to see what had been taped to the back and dropped it, my face completely red. On the other side was a condom packet.


End file.
